Category: Uncategorized

2 years ago today is the day you waited for, for such a long time. You always wanted to be a “daddy” and I wanted you to have ALL girls. I used to tell you that all of the time because you boys used to give your sister such a hard time about all the “girl” things.

I’ll never forget the first words you said to me after she was born, “Mom she has a head full of dark hair”. Just typing these words makes my heart melt and ache at the same time. As we walked into the delivery room to see you, Aly and your beautiful baby girl, Sophia, you were just beaming with pride. You had already fallen madly in love with your little girl…. Daddys girl! I sat and watched you hold her, feed her and love her with all of your heart. Sophia already had you wrapped around her little finger, and she was just hours old.

I had offered to spend the night on your first night home because I remembered how tired I was after having you and how helpful it was that Ninna came and stayed with us on your first night home. Your initial response was “No, Mom I think we will be fine”. Then you called me to say, “If you still are up for staying the night with us that would be great”. Maybe it was because you were nervous and thought you might need help, or maybe it was because you wanted to make me feel included. It didn’t matter to me I just couldn’t wait to be there with you and your family. I was so EXCITED!!!

I can’t believe she is 2 years old today. She is so smart and so beautiful. I tell her stories of you every time she is with me. Today was different, she told me things about you! First, she looked at me and said, “Daddy at work”……I responded, “Yes sweetheart, Daddy is hard at work with the Angels.” The day went on and later in the afternoon she looked toward the ceiling and said, “Daddy where are you?” as if you weren’t paying close enough attention to what she was doing because she knows you are always watching over her.

Watching Aly this morning gently wake her up and give her birthday balloons in bed with long snuggles was the best….Mommy had the cutest birthday display waiting for her in the kitchen. All of her stuffys lined up with birthday hats and more balloons. It was adorable! We played in the bouncy house, ate donuts and had a playdate with a friend. Sophia had a full day of celebrating.

She is so loved!

I never imagined my story would begin here-with loss. I always thought the defining chapters of my life would be filled with laughter, milestones, memories, and the comforting chaos of motherhood. It was for many years and then grief introduced itself into our lives, and grief redefines everything.

I am a mother. That has always been my most cherished title. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, and I wanted “4 babies”. And now I am also a grieving mother-a title no one asks for, yet one that forever changes who you are……

Losing a child is not something you “move on” from; it is something you learn to live with, breath by breath most times. It redefines joy, reshapes time, and teaches you how to breathe again when you feel like you can’t even find the energy to do so. It is in this space, between sorrow and strength that my story continues to unfold.

This blog is not just about loss, but about a mothers’ love. It’s about the journey of holding on yet letting go, of honoring both Luke and Nates life that ended here on earth far too soon. It’s about finding the pieces of myself in the ruins of what used to be. I am sharing this not for sympathy but for connection. If you’ve loved deeply and lost deeply then you already understand.

This is my way of keeping the light of my children alive in this physical world.

This is my truth!

This is my heart!

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!